Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Daisy of Love 106

I Love Money. How I miss you.

Last week DoL was on hiatus due to the MTV Music Awards. Nekkid Borat dropped from the ceiling onto Eminem's face and half the world thought M wasn't in on the joke. Over on Charm School racist Ricky Lake continues her charade while right here we have Daisy de la Hoya. It's been two weeks.

She back already?

Daisy de la Hypocrite

This week’s MVP

because to see her blatant diabolical hypocrisy is to not believe it.

Tap Out wear is laid out for the boys as soon as they get out of bed. They know they’re in for a fight. I’m surprised Chi Chi is excited. How am I supposed to know he’s been MMA training for a year? I knew about Big Rig though – a 5 fight professional. I learnt that over at Bonsomme’s. Sinister isn’t excited. This rocker kid has got talent – but there’s nothing physical about it.

The limo drives them to an unnamed gym - you don’t pay; you don’t get a product placement. This is however further proof of the mainstreaming of MMA: from celebrity boxing to celebreality cage fighting. Danny Bonaduche wants a phone call.

Daisy, the Rat and John Hackleman await them. Hackleman you might know as Chuck Liddell’s trainer. Chuck’s lost four of his last five fights. Hackleman is keeping his options open.

This is what Daisy said last time we saw her.

I don’t like violence. I grew up with

violence in my own life. And that’s

not something I condone.”

This is what she says this week.

I want to see who’s really here

to fight for my love.”

What’s worse than hypocrisy? Brazen hypocrisy. Something the Rat is aware of this so he goes into damage limitation.

Now Daisy is not a fan of violence.”

The reason why this show is bombing is because Daisy has no wit, no charisma and a contemptible moral code:

She’s fake.

Chi Chi fights Fox.

Fox taps out in 36 seconds. He dresses hair. He doesn’t want to dress his wounds.

12p is a loudmouth but he’s also a high school wrestler. It means he won’t embarrass himself against Big Rig.

But he does get his arse kicked.

Flex takes out 6 Guage in 39 seconds. I’m impressed. Flex got skills. Chi Chi gets to fight again. What would TV be if it didn’t pit bro against bro over a ho?

The sweet Chi Chi doesn’t want to hurt his friend.

Sack that.

Its determined Big Rig won this challenge but 51 Minds had a Big Rig vs. Cage bloodbath in mind. Poor 12p.

The reward date is bath night.


How about a lock-in in the pub?

Daisy describes Big Rig as “part meathead part Southern gentleman”. He does declare he’s falling in love with her and insists she takes his picture of his son.

Although I’m flattered I’m kind of wierded out.”

Did the midwife drop you on the head on the way out Big Rig?

The next morning sees 12p rewards the producers for casting him in this show. He recruits Flex – he doesn’t have to corrupt him – and together they plan to throw all the scumbags out of the house.

Apart from Daisy.

And themselves.

They circle a lone Sinister and rib him. 6 Gauge joins in for good measure. The Flex Pack alliance then send Sinister off to confront his friend. I saw a lot of this stuff at school. At work. In the pub. In Shakespeare.

Chi Chi tries to reason with him. They should work together to get all the censored out of the house. Alas Sinister thinks his enemies care more about him than his friend does.

Flex, Sinister and Chi Chi have a group date with Daisy (why Sinister? He got his neck wrung like yesterday’s KFC). She doesn’t take them to a tattoo parlour – she’s brought a tattooist to the house.

This is more Rock than Real Chance. As Daisy points out at least these boys already have tattoos – so it’s no bigger deal.

Sinister makes it a bigger deal. He bickers with Chi Chi over who’s getting what tat. Rock on girlfriend. Flex can’t believe 12p’s his own ingenuity. He doesn’t have to add anything but he does. Stir the pot. Daisy can smell it. She likes it.

Flex, the greedy bastard that he is decides

to get one of his old crappy tattoos touched

up. It doesn’t mean censored to daisy.”

Why permanently magic marker yourself over a TV tart? Chi Chi have you met Heather?

In other news 6 Gauge ‘steps up’.

I come into the kitchen and I notice we’ve got

a new contestant in the house. Apparently

6 Gauge decided that he’s going to compete

for Daisy with the rest of us. Aw, might

be just a little too late for that.”

A little later

It was his brother who called; someone’s grassed him up to ‘Wolverina’. She’s on the warpath.

My girlfriend knows that I’m on here.”


I wonder if Brooklyn is watching this.

A problem shared is a problem solved. So who does a moron share his problem with? Sweet Chi Chi?

Flex Pack has got this game in two silicone bags.

12p suggests Fox confess all to Daisy. So Fox goes to Daisy’s padded cell and the first thing into his mouth is The Hoya.

The first thing out of his mouth is a lie.

Those flowers are really beautiful. They

came from me by the way.”

What kind of human being would lie about a bunch of flowers?

So Daisy knows he’s a liar and now she knows he’s got a girlfriend.


Or something.

Fox plays the Charles card so Daisy lets it slide. Hypocrites especially like to save face. So Daisy lets it slide for now.

She may well fancy him but she’s not pretending to be fooled for his sake. That gift of deception is for us. The viewers. Whatever talents this cokehead has acting is not one of them. In case you didn’t know already

Fox lied and half truth told Daisy. 12p susses this. He’s not happy but there’s no time to counter.

It’s time for eliminations.

It gets down to 6 Gauge and Fox. Daisy calls out Fox on his ex/girlfriend. Now all the lads know him to be a lying two-timing… man. They harassed Brooklyn out for the same thing.

He doesn’t stand a chance.

Fox doesn’t stand a chance next week.

Dude you just keep on building up your lie list.

‘Cos I’m going to call you all out on that soon.”

Next week on Daisy of Love:

Is that Wolverina? Or is it Bait and Switch?

Read more Thrill Fiction: It’s Not Real! It’s Television.

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