Wednesday, 29 April 2009

I Love Money 213

Vive La Frenchie

She has no natural enemies. Her sex is the majority. She’s not the weakest physically and her social game is the best. She’s a former paymaster which means she can bring it.

Oh and she can’t speak English.

This weeks MVP.

Tailor Made and Myammee are a twosome the way Saaphyri and Frenchie are a twosome.

All else is It.

Right now I don’t have an alliance

with anybody. I’m in this game

playing for me.”

Following last weeks vote Saaphyri has purchased Prancer’s gratitude. Everyone else thinks she’s a bitch.

On the domestic front Saaphyri bosses It around the bedroom; he has to make his own bed put his clothes away wipe his own arse. Saaphyri dear you can’t have your cake and eat It.

The challenge might as well have been cherry picked by Prancer.

She wants a bigger frontage – so she wins it.

51 Minds throws a curve ball: Craig announces that eliminations are tonight!

They’re usually the following night. This means the campers have a day less to scheme.

All else is It.

Sometimes I think he’s impartial (sic).

Then other times my mind start

thinking he be like he can’t be

that dumb – he’s actually plotting.”

The (early) vault.

Craig reminds everyone who the dead last loser is and It starts laughing. Is it a case of the giggles? Craig asks him if he’s “back to back” which I initially take as Americanism for ‘incurably mad’.

You back to back? Dead last loser?

I was wrong. Shame. But It is incurably mad.

Who wants to vote for Frenchie?

Who wants to vote for Saaphyri?

You see what happens Saaphyri when you bully a guy (I’m assuming Its vote was spiteful)?

Frenchie is shocked It turned on Saaphyri. So is Saaphyri. So am I. Though I’m not as upset as Frenchie.

No one should ever trust Prancer especially the random rich man who’ll end up marrying her. If Frenchie quits regardless of who takes in her place in the box Saaphyri and It are still targets.

Advantage Prancer.

This is the reason why Saaphyri won Charm School and is hated/loved/feared in Huatulco.

Frenchie will stay and fight on! Isn’t it amazing how Vh1 can change a whole country’s reputation?

Frenchie has her Austerlitz speech to deliver.

Fun power outing at a golf course yo but let’s eat. Let’s talk about a quarter million dollars.

Its goofball rambling can come across as charming. He’s outstayed Prancer’s welcome.

Angelique abandons gameplay and declares to Prancer that they are physical equals.

Athletic equals.

Frenchie’s suggestion: Isn’t it time all the girls rally and exercise pussy power? Get rid of the boys!

She saved Prancer last week so Saaphyri’s got the safe card but that doesn’t shut her up. Being an effortless man-hater she can’t resist pussy power. It was her original idea though less eloquently put. She jumps on that bandwagon and throws the traitor It under the bus.

Even a dunce knows when it’s time to sweat.


Remember the last time Prancer was paymaster? She’s a cute looking girl. Looks like butter wouldn’t melt she’s hardcore. Remember how she spoke to MILF? She’s speaking the same way to It.

She calls him out as a floater a flip flopper and for faking weakness.


MILF got evicted that night.

It’s 1on1 time.

They iron out their differences. They’ve never talked game to each other. Why the chasm?

Frenchie explains this is due to Prancer (and Cali) leaving the OGs and evicting MILF. Prancer explains she had no choice. Heat/Caliente was gunning for Cali (and by extension her).

It’s a civilised conversation in civilised tones and subtitles. You know why? Both girls are telling the truth.

Pussy power.

None of the girls want to compete against the boys in the physical finale. That would make sense except

The eliminations.

Each potential ¼millionaire is given a last chance to plead their case. Frenchie and Saaphyri reiterate their advantages.

Somewhere in America a village is missing It.

First cheque is no surprise.

Then Prancer shocks us all.

She’s not done. Remember when New York called Frank the Entertainer a ‘loser’?

They don’t respect you It. Congratulations. You’re well on the way to becoming a celebrity.

Whose moral compass is it anyway? Frenchie didn’t lie backstab or bully anyone in this game. She remained loyal to those who were loyal to her. What she offered Prancer was a contest – woman v woman.

I’ll keep It around because he’s blind he can’t

swim and he might really be that stupid.”

Frenchie’s a better woman than you are Prancer.

Au revoir.

Next week on I Love Money 2:

The (gasp) finale!

It comes too soon.

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Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Daisy of Love 101

I’m a Daisy

Remember the tattooed duck billed fake tits from Rock of Love 2? Not Angelique. She was Rock of Love 1. Daisy de la Hoya’s the cry baby who got her arse chequed by Heather at the reunion. The result of which is this show in lieu of lawsuit – so the internet legend goes.

Daisy - if that’s her real name - describes herself as a “singer model and all around badass”. I describe her as a liar a groupie and Heather’s door knocker. Clearly one of us is delusional.

Hitherto known as the Rat tries to convince the casual viewer that Daisy is looking for love. Don’t bother. They’re watching The Hills. Clearly more than one of us is delusional.

A lot rests on this man’s abs. He’s the link to the INY audience who normally wouldn’t watch a bunch of rock jocks making stupid. 12 Pack (12p) has good form in this area.

How many of you guys are musicians?

How many of you failed the American Idol auditions?

Is Daisy a hag before she’s 30? Is she over 30? With that much body work I can’t tell. That’s the point I suppose. Like her or don’t like her the lady is a vamp. Hollywood A-Listers need Vanity Fair for this kind of heat.

An interesting thing becomes me. After her Village People routine she addresses her suitors lechers and comes across as down to Earth nice.

I’m beginning to like her. I am as fickle as a football fan. Hey! I’m here to be entertained damnit. She’s got my attention.

The Hoya excuses herself for a costume change and leaves the boys free reign of the bar.

American men are just like us.

12p speaks his best to fit in.

Man I don’t even think half these
people come to a room yet dude.”

He’s the only straighthead at Ozzfest. I feel you. I went to the January Sales once. That was like a moshpit.

If your real hair looks like a wig - what the French is the difference?

Oops. Mohawk forgot why he’s there and the 3plets announce they’ll do Daisy like a Swedish smorgasbord. This is casting by Donald Rumsfeld.

It’s a love show. They have to have pet names (shout out to the homie).

I must declare an interest aka full disclosure. I contacted him through myspace. I’m hoping for an interview.

Start the mixer.

Cable Guy thinks he stands out because he hasn’t got any tattoos.

Daisy thinks Fox is really hot.

Day 1.

Sack it. I’m not in a position to comment on what women find attractive. I’m not a virgin.

Sinister and Chi Chi are buddies from outside the house and roommates inside it. Looks like they’re the Red Oyster bitches too. They grass up Mohawk.

Don’t call The Hoya a bitch.

51 Minds have kindly provided subtitles over the Love years. For example Flavation Angelique Caviar and now the 3plets. How about translating this:

It is what it is. I do what I do.”


To her credit Daisy told him what for. Shame she didn’t tell Heather that.

All-eyes-on-me Flipper wants to stand out from the “19 perverts”. He makes a Suicide Circle flip off the rig.

On a night like this someone is going to get hurt.

Turns out Daisy was freaked out by the Swedish exports too

and evicts them before eliminations.

Drunk as a Weasel and couldn’t care less if he knew what was going on.

What’s going on is Cable Guy gets his first week pass like Roxy did like Dallas and Natasha. Fox got the very first chain and 12p got his of course.

There are two more rejects to evict and surprisingly Mohawk Weasel and London aren’t amongst them. Lesson learnt? Rock chicks don’t mind pissheads.

As evidenced by these collector item flasks.

Next week on Daisy of Love:

More Daisy.

TFi: I was dubious going in about this show but the nutcase factor amongst the lads seems red zone enough. Should be a laugh. As for Daisy – I’m still on the fence.

That’s entertainment.

Oh and Cable Guy; if a man lays his hands on you (even a reprobate like Flipper) television or no cameras - knock him out.

Read more Thrill Fiction: Daisy of Love 102 
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