Thursday, 23 April 2009

I Love Money 212

… and The Weak Shall Wither Away

Saaphyri has spent the last two weeks on the chopping bloc. Her alliance has been decimated. Only Frenchie stands with her against the house. Yet she's still here. Brains will always rule over brawn and even beauty.

I didn't say they would rule well.

This weeks MVP
We're straight in after last week's elimination. Tailor Made thinks – but is not certain – that his team is about to turn on him.

What do girls talk about when there are no men around? How they're going to dump Tailor Made.
Ice recants the Pretty Girl Alliance motto: Crush Saaphyri and Frenchie then get rid of Tailor Made and It. This sounds good on paper but not when it comes out of Ice's mouth. Her speech patterns change according to the melanin content of those in her unfortunate vicinity.

No one likes a phoney.

Craig's talking portrait announces a clue for the next challenge: "Hang on".
"I think it's finally time for The Stripper
Pole Challenge."

Oh Prancer. When was it you lost your grace?

The Stripper Pole Challenge: Last season this is when the Entertainer clowned himself out of $250k. Bulk is not needed. Brains might help. Megan let Hoopz win. They both prospered.
"She's (Frenchie) the only stripper/porn star
in the house so we know that she knows
how to hang on to a pole."

Frenchie? In porn? What 20p refused gratis others will pay dirty money to slobber over. I despair of my own kind.

TFi Trivia: Just how many pornochicks are there in the FOL canon? And can you name 'em? Answers in the comments please (with links).

The TMF practise their stripper moves. It's not Rock of Love.
Watching this show has taught me loads. There are advantages to being an It.
The OGs haven't got the luxury of such frivolity. They plot. Hard. Saaphyri is adamant they've got It. She's also one step ahead of Tailor Made; she's sussed the PGA.
Newsflash! It's not The Stripper Challenge.
There are BlogStars who believe It is shtick (I was once of that persuasion). Surely not now.
Guess who's the Dead Last Loser. It should get together with Caviar from Ray J. Imagine the baby they'd create. The world needs another Einstein.

Until then we have Saaphyri.
She's the winner. Paymaster.

TFi Alert: Babe down!
Babe down!
I've never been dropped into the Pacific from 35 feet so I don't doubt she hurt herself. Saaphyri however could care less.
"This aint Season 1 and you aint Toastee."

Back at the mansion it's time for a TMF meet sans Prancer. How in hell did Saaphyri win a physical challenge? Myammee is freaking. She suggests in a roundabout way… Prancer in the box!
Tailor Made: "Whoever goes in is like marked for death."
Poor baby.

Ice has not made a power move all season. She's been a good follower. A loyal party member. Now is her time:

The PGA need one more vote to put Tailor Made in the box. She seeks out Angelique.
Ice tells her "We're probably going to vote you in" and that Saaphyri won't send It home. I.e. the 3rd person/cheque will be bounced: So who does Frenchie want in the box?

Frenchie is non-committal and this urges Ice to tell her about the PGA. Like this is privileged information. Everybody knows except It who wouldn't understand anyway. The logic I suppose is to finger Tailor Made.
"He saved me though."

Don't talk to the monkey. Talk to the organ grinder.
"Who you want to see from our alliance go?"
"What a dumb question."

This girl power malarkey that Ice is trying to flog isn't selling. Not to Saaphyri . She tried it herself last week remember. In this economic climate it's a buyer's market. Girls like boys.
Saaphyri wants two of the PGA in the box. It doesn't matter which two so long as one of them is Myammee.

Tailor Made plays it cool.
"I'm thinking either Tailor Made is retarded or just
in the dark. So I'm like okay, I'm a let him hear
for himself what they really think about him."

Queen Saaphyri sets them up.
They fall for it.
"Now in good conscience I can work at
getting Prancer and Ice into the box."


What about Myammee?

Tailor Made is a snake.

This seasons only remaining love story continues.
Saaphyri: "You aint voting for the bitch?"
It: "Aw you dumb, you dumb."

Saaphyri: "We going to do it?"
It: "What? Have sex?"
Saaphyri: "Yes."
It: "Yeah. I wanna have sex with you."

Watching this season has taught me loads.

Morning comes and with it female trepidation.
"It dog listen. Dog I need you to vote
for Prancer dog please."

Therein lies the difference. Saaphyri doesn't beg.
"What are you doing in our room?"

It's vault time.
Craig starts the clock. Frenchie does a Saaphyri. She tells them it's safer if two of the TMF go in the box as it's a 1 in 2 chance of survival. If they put her (Frenchie) in Saaphyri is going to save her anyway.

This is the tensest vote yet.
"What the hell went wrong with the vote?"

This season the paymaster is always getting swerved.
"I'm pissed at Myammee for putting
me in the box."
"It sucks to know that Saaphyri, you know
right now, my fate is in her hands."

Cry baby Myammee goes on a placating mission. She apologises to Ice for voting her into the box. Prancer's on a mission of her own. Turns out she's a cry baby too.
She's been betrayed by her alliance - Myammee and Tailor Made – and she wants to switch sides.
The power outing is a first for Ice. It's also a first for babyface who's working hard on his broken English. Hokay?
This is what a power outing is supposed to look like:
"Who voted for Myammee?"
"Me It and Frenchie."
"You didn't vote for Myammee?"
"You have to be the biggest idiot in the world.
If you would not vote for someone who
voted for you and has you in the box."

Saaphyri picks Ice for the 1on1. It was in 209 that 20p started calling her Ice(man). Ergo
"I chose Ice for the 1on1 because really and
truly I don't know this girl. Or boy."

Ice has 15 minutes to save herself/pitch a plan.
She reminds me of Cali.

It's the eliminations y'all.
Myammee's crying again.
Guilt will do that to you.

Meanwhile Prancer's not one to be left out.
Saaphyri spent two weeks in a row on the chopping bloc. She did not cry once. Therein lies the difference.

1st cheque –
Saaphyri:"What you got to say?"
It:"Yo. I'm trying to do my best."
"That's it?"

If you thought Frenchie and 20p were bad…
"You don't love my arse or something?"
"There's no reason for me to send home
It. That's my little thing thing. I aint
sending him home."

Someone has to go.

Prancer: If she's faking her injury she's dangerous (to Saaphyri). If not she's useless (to Saaphyri).
"Nobody believes that I'm really injured…
And I don't think she believes that
I'll save her in the end."

Ice: TMF loyal to the detriment of herself.
"Saaphyri gives It his cheque. She gives
that ¿what? a $250,000 cheque."
"I think that Ice is definitely stronger. She's bigger.
She's a man. Said I was sending men home. So."
Ice is weak. Fake. A dullard. A follower. Yet despite myself I feel sorry for her.
For going in the box when she could have voted in Myammee. Can't feel too sorry for her.
Yes I can.

Next week on I Love Money 2:

What would you spend $¼million on Prancer?

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