Friday, 3 July 2009

Big Brother 10 UK Day 28

DAY 25

Sree does not stop talking about Noirin. Everyone in his own power base is peeved with him excepted for Lisa. I wonder how long before the flock rebel against her. Kris has got Sophie in his pocket maybe Charlie too. In any case he’s ready to break with Sree.

The ‘gay’ conversation was bound to rear its head at some point; straights asking about the ins and outs about pick-ups on the gay scene. While Freddy boasts about his king of the clubs prowess Charlie keeps mute. When Siavash asks his experience he shuts the conversation down.

Good lad.

Mr President what’s it like being black?

The task today is extreme sports school day or as I like to call it the retards Olympics. Marcus is umpire and has to pick two team captains. Sree Siavash and Noirin volunteer.

Siavash and Noirin are captains.

Noirin gets first pick which means Siavash ends up with Sree.

Siavash: “We are happy with just three of us.”

You don’t have to be a prophet to predict the team without Sree won.

So team Noirin – Charlie, Lisa, Sophie, Rodrigo – get the party along with umpire Marcus. Sree goes into a sulk. He’s fishing for sympathy but what he’s doing is turning everyone against him. The English don’t like a sore loser.

In fairness to Sree he’s bitching about the snide comments from Marcus and Siavash. That said he should man up. His peers are ribbing him and he’s crying about it.


Sree man up?

The party is a school disco theme. Welcome to paedophile Britain; where the adults dress provocatively as children – for a ‘bit of fun’.

What’s a pair of 20 somethings to do when others are partying? Try to exchange tokens for booze. Kris and Karly try it on.

You gotta try.

The next best thing is to prank the “plebs” (Siavash, Sree and Freddy). Kris tells them the deal is they can exchange all three remaining tokens for a token’s worth of booze. Siavash clocks on immediately. Sree’s in Sree world and Freddy goes halfwit crazy.

In his posh voice.

I suppose the induction into the aristocray is to talk down to others. He’s going to get nominated every week until the public put him out of his delusions.

Kris cooks and asks Freddy to wash up. Freddy refuses and Kris puts him down. In the way only a cool kid can put down a spineless knob. All this in front of Karly.

And the TV watching world.

After the party the housemates discuss him. Karly and Sophie slag him off, Sree remains neutral and Rodrigo doesn’t get involved. He’s as uncomfortable with this as Angel was.

Welcome to England.

DAY 26

Nomination Day

Charlie’s first pick is Freddy – he distances himself from the group apparently.

Do ya blame him?

Charlie’s second pick is Siavash: fissure along party lines.

Noirin’s sunning herself. Someone should tell her the reason white people tan is to get skin like hers. She has tattoos on the small of her back. Marcus likes.

Noirin: “I think it’s called a tramp stamp though.”

Or as I like to call it – the porno tailgate.

Dogface Sophie nominates with zero strategy: halfwit and Marcus.

It’s Freddy’s turn.

He nominates Sree. Pick a reason. And Lisa. For strategy and malice.

Karly chooses Halfwit and Marcus. I think that’s 3 weeks running for the same people. Don’t get on Karly’s bad side. Lisa noms Halfwit and Marcus. She has her targets. Marcus chooses Sree and Lisa – no suprises. Noirin picks Halfwit and…



Rodrigo – the man with no game plan – noms Sree; for being an ass. Oh and Halfwit of course. A word about Rodrigo: he lives in Leeds not London as I previously wrote. He’s quite a decent lad is Rod.

He won’t win.

In the kitchen Marcus chats up Dublin. He thinks he isn’t but sorry Marcus you are. She tells him the strain of being ‘beautiful’ (Marcus’ word not hers). She wants people to see her through her personality.

TFi: Noirin love, a beautiful woman’s shelf life ends at 30. If you’re not hitched by then all you’ve got is middle aged men promising to leave their wives for you. In other news people will never see you through your personality. You’ve got none.

Siavash votes for Sree and Kris.


Where’s the strategy?

Nominations are over before Sree gets to vote. The poor fool doesn’t know he’s up with 5 and Halfwit’s up with 7 (out of a possible 10). In any case he noms Marcus and… Noirin.

So much for Lisa orchestrating the vote.

Marcus was nominated 4 times. That does not bode well for him next week.

The things people will say and do for booze. Cue the nightly negotiation. Charlie and Kris go to the diary room. Charlie pleads he makes good TV when he’s drunk. Anything can happen.

Which is why they’ve limited the booze since fight night.

It works though. Sort of. Big Brother throws in an extra bottle of wine as per request which leads to more negotiations. Charlie and Kris consult Siavash. The proposal is they have the 4 bottles of wine and they forgo all booze the next three times.

He’s okay with it but has to check in with the girls.

They’re not okay with it.

Somehow Charlie blames Siavash for this. Charlie’s a spiteful bastard. That’s a nomination in advance.

With the booze imbibed some of the boys sit in the garden. Sree’s outnumbered in the enemy camp of Freddy, Siavash and Marcus. That doesn’t stop motormouth from issuing Siavash a challenge – race you the length of the garden.

For a can of lager hell yeah.

Guess who loses.

Guess who welches on the bet.

Sree wants to be a politician. He’s got the moral structure for it.

In the bedroom even Lisa tells Sree to honour his word.

Siavash makes it easy on him(self). Siavash uses psychology to taunt the egocentric low self esteem Sree.

Double or nothing.

This time the whole house is outside to watch.

Guess who wins.

Guess who bitches all the way to bed.

You just got yourself voted out pal. The English hate a sore loser.

DAY 27

It’s the shopping task – an exercise in TV tedium. Barring the sports day challenge – which pitted one team against another – there is no tension or drama in the tasks. However they are not the point of this show.

Sree’s job is to take orders of Italian ice-cream and relay them to Sophie. He cocks it up at the first opportunity. He’s a moron.

Karly gets to sing. Sing well that is. She looks quite fetching in her suit. She’s going to do better out of this than Sophie.

The nominations are announced and Siavash sounds like Sree – carrying on and making a tit of himself. Your time is next week mate.

Sree goes to the diary room. He’s genuinely shocked and saddened. Then he spoils it by blaming it all on Noirin.

Big Brother asks him who he thinks is going to stay.

Sree: Me.

Freddy imports his conversations with Marcus and Siavash while mouthing off to Kris. The house divide is growing bitter.

Sree screws up the next order. He’s failed his part of the task but it won’t have an effect on him personally.

He’ll be voted out Friday.

DAY 28

Freddy the halfwit has a blow up with Lisa. That’s a battle you can’t win son. You’re outgunned and outmanned. The housemates have sussed that thanks to Sree they’ve failed the ice-cream task. So they capitulate and eat the stock.

Good job.

Marcus and Noirin have an hour to complete their tasks. To oil paint a ‘masterpiece’. Theirs will be compared against the efforts of a 6 year old showbiz brat.

All three paintings are done and I predict Noirin to lose. She’s got no artistic qualities whatsoever. Here comes an independent art critic (on his lunch break) to do a blind judgement on all three. In order to pass the task Marcus and Noirin have to place first and second.

The critic likes Marcus’. He knows which one is the child’s. He actually compliments Noirin’s.

Marcus gets first. Noirin second.

When did I turn on Noirin.

Freddy’s still at it – mothering people; “why don’t you like me?


He is the outcast and it’s getting ugly. Especially when it’s coming from Karly. In 4 weeks she hasn’t come across as vindictive. If she’s saying it then it’s for good reason.

Freddy you’re exasperating.

None of these people have lived with a toff before.

You gotta feel sorry for the late Princess Diana.

On Friday it’s Freddy vs. Jason Sree.

Read more Thrill Fiction: Big Brother Day 24

blog comments powered by Disqus