Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 207

Wednesday 18 March 2009

I Love Money 207

Fools Rush In

Reality TV is Sodom and Gomorrah and Hollywood California accessible to the lowest common denominator: We the people.

Coming from a Christian background it has always bothered me when reality contestants invoke God's name (eg ANTM 1 and more disgustingly BB 9). They invariably conjure a stereotype of hypocrisy and Bible bashing. Christianity and reality TV do not mix - especially in the avarice and vanity laden I Love Money series. Practising Christians beware; this show features drunken sexing money-grubbers.

Bonez. You don't belong here.

This week's MVP

Immediately following last weeks eviction 20 Pack (20p) calls a meeting - the way a prison guard calls chow time. He takes a (verbal) swipe at Prancer. Cue Becky Buckwild.

Unsatisfied with the sneering reaction Buckwild turns her tiger dentures towards Tailor Made. The clothes. Not the man.

Now Tailor Made is a New York fashion mark. With his machismo questionable clothes are the only armour he has. He may not be able to defend himself but his clothes?

Which results in this

Buddha's statement gains in credibility. The OGs are the stars of this show but Frank has been drinking too much of his own piss. His words to Tailor Made are "I'll kill you". TV bullying is one thing but the jokes over. His explosion had nothing to do with misplaced chivalry – next weeks preview shows that. As for Becky she should try going off on Myammee.

The wannabes are sequestered in their Mexican mansion 24 hours a day. There's a lot of downtime to talk squawk scheme and strategize. Whatever's been said off camera Frank now views Cali as part of his alliance.

Great. For Tailor Made's alliance (now known as TMF – as in Tailor Made & Friends) that is. A TMF mole deep undercover. Just like Mata Hari.

Or Inspector Clouseau.

Team captains chosen are Bonez and Frenchie.

Yup. The Green Team won. Again. Due to some smart sabotage by Becky Buckwild proving to Homeland Security that trailer parks can produce good citizens.

After the challenge Frenchie decides she's in love with 20p. And since she's the paymaster she's going to use her power in ways it wasn't designed for.

Or "the horizontal frog dance" as 20p puts it.

There's been some talk on the internet that 20p is gay. I object! On the grounds that he doesn't want to do 'the horizontal frog dance' with Frenchie.

TMF have an urgent pow-wow. This is the kind of meeting the waifs must have had before choosing Oliver to ask for more. Who's going to join 20p and Buckwild in the box? Essentially who's going home?

The OG has their meeting aka gloating. When they're done congratulating themselves they go on their customary bully-run.

Get rid of the snake - Tailor Made - and save yourselves.

That didn't work with Buddha. Because...

There are those who have built a reputation for themselves. They are so invested in it – keeping up appearances so to speak – that they knowingly make the wrong choice in order to maintain the perception of their construct. To spite their face.

Or maybe they really are stupid.

Ice Prancer and Bonez have the ability to save themselves At this point they should be thinking of themselves. As in I Love Money. Then again so should Tailor Made.

He is.

The Green Team have their own issues to deal with.

A woman scorned. Remember New York 20p.

TMF scramble for a way out. As paymaster Frenchie is the one who holds their fate not Frank. She's their focus. They write down all the names of both alliances.

Everyone including Cali. Everyone excluding It. Their message to Frenchie: If she switches sides she's in the majority. If she doesn't she's at the bottom of the OG stripper pole.

It's the next day before the vault and Tailor Made reasons by logic with his alliance: Who's the best person to influence Frenchie?

And ~~the~~ ~~idiot~~ he accepts the back handed compliment.

"How could they do that to a religious man?"

The power outing is all about the paymaster.

"Frenchie still has her clothes on."

20p is lucky they're in Huatulco and not the Foreign legion.

Frenchie magnanimously chooses Bonez for the 1on1. She genuinely seems to like him. He's harmless right? He gives her the note.

Watching from afar 20p and Buckwild get nervous. Body language is 80% of all human communication and Frenchie barely speaks English.

The power outing is over and Frenchie is worried about the Cali revelation. She tells Becky. Who tells Saaphyri.

Saaphyri does Saaphyri.

The Entertainer sticks up for Cali(?) He's sold. On what? Cali babbles and is clearly frazzled. She sells TMF down the river.

Oh Prancer. How wet do your tears feel now?

But...

Frank's worried about his team. And Frenchie. He blames it all on guess who?

Frenchie wants answers. She goes upstairs to talk to TMF. They target Becky Buckwild and promise Frenchie safety in numbers against the bullies.

But does it compute?

The elimination

Guess who gets the first cheque.

¿What? Not Buckwild?

Or you don't get the cheque.

Back in I♥NY2 when Tiffany asked for a kiss he balked. Which led to this

20p refuses to let history repeat itself.

"I think he's lucky that's all she asked for."

Twice in two weeks? These eliminations are turning into soft porn.

Funs over. For the first time Becky Buckwild is nervous. Frenchie recognises her as a strong player and future competition.

There goes a man who didn't try too hard or hog camera time. He didn't lie cheat betray or make a show of himself. Maybe he is the genuine article. He certainly has the respect and affection of his cast mates. On both the shows he was on.

"(Bonez) took one for the team and I will be

forever indebted to him."

Yeah. And by next week you'll have forgotten what he looks like.

Bonez. You don't belong here.

Next week on I Love Money 2: