Sunday, 8 March 2009

I♥$ Too

When Vh1 announced I Love Money in 2008 I nodded in anticipation cum admiration. The Producers Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin have ridden this pony like Seabiscuit. And it all started on The Surreal Life.


The subsequent Flavor of Love (FoL) became and remains Vh1's highest rated show (stealing BET's thunder and audience). The franchise has ended but the spin-offs continue. Later this year expect Daisy of Love, Trophy Wife, Real Chance of Love 2, Charm School Gives Back hosted by Ricki Lake. There's a possibility/probability of I Love Money 3, For The Love of Ray J 2 and INY3 this year or next.

Overloaded? CSI is overloaded.

As much fun as the 'of Love' shows are none of the contestants will ever get married of them. This isn't The Batchelor where those people think they have to keep up appearances (that lot are so fake they wouldn't know reality if they watched it). I Love Money (I$) is as honest as all television gets. And that includes the news. Especially Fox News.

I$ is the best in show of the FoL descendants. The 'of Love' shows, past current and forth coming, (will exist to) serve as feeder for it. To wit I$ featured alumni from FoL 1 and 2, Rock of Love 1 and 2 and I Love New York 1 and 2. I$2 also featured alumni from FoL 3 and Real Chance of Love.

Methinks the well is drying - for the boys at least. INY's two seasons have fed I$'s two seasons. There's no one of note left to include. In desperation Vh1 could turn to Tool Academy and/or From G's To Gents to bolster the man count. This would be a mistake. It would tarnish(?) the brand. Thus the tenor of I$ will change come season 3. The male talent pool will switch from black/urban/ethnic to white/suburban. Daisy of Love will replace INY as the new (boy) feeder show.

This is not what the 'of Love' shows were intended as but it is inevitable that's what they will become. The moment Vh1 air an 'of Love' show featuring a contestant that nobody likes will be the moment of jumping the shark. The viewer will have no choice but to reject the blatant tomfoolery of the mercenaries/contestants and tune into Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Right now though we're all doing fine.

I$2 opens with pop-eye graphics and a rumpus theme tune. Survivor and The Apprentice should take note; nothing makes the eyeballs squint like a series of arty shots of po-faced cast members looking stupid. Craig 'CJ' Jackson is as good a host as any major network could hire. He's there with Jeff Probst and Joe Rogan. The location is exotic too: Huatulco Mexico where it never rains but is pouring Yankees.

On season 1 the Megan led alliance (clandestinely) ruled the house before it imploded and was evicted. This season (5 episodes in) the dominant faction is the Old Gold alliance. Led by Saaphyri and The Entertainer they are loud upfront and aggressive. Their strategy is intimidation. Their tactic is bullying. Watch them turn on each other before time.


Saaphyri is the undisputed queen of the castle. What she says goes. Alas she's too confrontational to win. Prancer referred to her as one of the weaker physical players. If that is true and if the finale is anything like last season she's got no chance. No chick this run looks like Hoopz.

Frank The Entertainer is Saaphyri's male counterpart. (Maybe she reminds him of his mum. Any woman who calls her husband a moron on TV should be called Saaphyri. She likes to fight/belittle dudes.) These two together are all powerful and would make the final two. But. Frank's focus will fade. Sure there's no Destiny this season but he'll get sidelined by some other issue. He's not in it to win it even if he thinks he is. He's happy living in his parent's basement. Top five.

It's time to get Becky Buckwild. Or Trailer Park as Buddha called her. The white girl who (tries to) talk like a black chick and comes out a garbled mess. ¿What? She got in Buddha's face in 203 like she was some sort of tough girl. That's because a guy won't hit a girl right? Hark back to FoL2. This bitch was scared of Like Dat. In Charm School she readily admitted she was no match for Bootz while Buckeey had her in tears. Buckwild is as phoney as her accent. But she remains Saaphyri's bitch. Their bond is solid and has worked well to this point. The other team will target her to weaken Saaphyri.

20 Pack. Athletic. Good looking. He wigs out for the Vault. But he's slow on the uptake. He can't think for himself. Without Frank (last week) he's useless. Tailor made him look like a fool. Not a contender.

Heat. The least said about this one the better. The Entertainer may have forgotten that he evicted Caliente last season but he hasn't. If Heat/Caliente could plot. He'd be plotting revenge. Once the alliance breaks up he's one of the first to go.

Frenchie. Que le fait de baiser ?

Dishonourable Discharge:

Good riddance to Milf.

Farewell to Buddha

Rated R: Leiliene

Marcellas: Onyx

¿What? Tamara

Next week on I♥$ Too:

Keep an eye on Tailor Made. In last week's episode he showed he was a strategic thinker. As needs must he stood up and challenged the hegemony. This is not the Tailor Made from INY2 which goes to show the power of the edit. Either he's a changed man or he's changed 51 Minds.

Tailor Made's patchwork alliance should win the war. They're more level headed and they're employing secrecy. Prancer has the brains to match TM unfortunately no one on their team has the cojones of a Frank or Saaphyri. It is the only floater. He baffles me. I thought he was funny in INY2 but he's everybody's last pick. In this role he might become useful. To either side.

The post continues next week with a finger pointing at Tailor Made's alliance.

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