Tuesday, 10 March 2009


The Swerve

What's the opposite of 'Jump the Shark'? Because this episode is a money shot.

This week's MVP.

The Old Gold (OG) alliance crisis-meet post MILF's eviction. The mood is of shock.

As in

Hey in the absence of Buddha... I understand the mentality; Gang up against an individual crush their dreams then move onto the next victim. Sort of like American Idol.

It's worked for them before and because they do it so well they look for someone to bully.

Do what we say. Or else.

Little do they know. As Tailor Made plots with his new allies.

The next morning.

What this season has lacked - since Leilene got evicted and went back to stripping - is sexual tension. Becky Buckwild is nothing sexual. Frank must be desperate. He has to be. Tormented.

Buckwild boasts in her Interview Segment that if Frank keeps her out of the box she might let him in hers.

Time for a new challenge. Time to elect team captains.

This is the moment last week when a stealth alliance made their move. Season 3 contestants should take note. If someone - like Ice (or Cali) - volunteers to be captain they're probably planning to swerve ya. And it would have failed too if it wasn't for those pesky dumbass OG kids.

It's the flying chicken challenge! From last season! When Megan and Mr Boston threw the competition thereby setting a precedent/inspiration to all money grubbers everywhere on the Vh1 roster.

Green Team lost. Again.


Green Team won.

Prancer thinks she has the deciding vote as to who goes in the box. Prancer thinks she has a target on her forehead.


Pre Vault. Tailor Made rallies his alliance.

"If she (Prancer) doesn't join us

she'll be the next to go."

The Vault.

"I'm really really nervous right now."

It's a first for the Gold Team. CJ tells them how it's done: You've got 15 minutes.

Team captain Ice takes the floor and tallies the votes.

"Light bulb."

Bring forth the Green Team.

Frank's the paymaster.

The results are in.

"Those little bastards. They're trying to get

rid of my whole alliance."

What follows looks like the beginings of a full scale riot. CJ employs his TV presenter skills.

"If I was on the Green Team. It would seem

like a good thing to have the strongest

person in the box."

Because Frank still thinks his alliance is secret.

The blame for all this is being placed solely on Buddha.

The bullies go at it.

Frank blames Prancer.

This level of cerebral abuse from the Tailor Made alliance (TMA) can reduce a celebreality stalwart to this:

And this:

But Heat thinks 20 pack is "a bit unstable emotionally". He on the other hand "feels fantastic right now".

He got this.

The reluctant power outing.

Now the drinks don't work and Caliente is feeling the heat. It's Déjà vu all over again for him. Last season a power outing with Frank as paymaster led to his bye bye.

Even the waiter's the same.

Then Frank drops a bombshell.

"It's possible your team could have actually

thrown the challenge for you guys?"

20 Pack begs for his life. Frank and Buckwild make goo goo at each other. Love in the trailer park. Or at his parent's basement.

Caliente is all mucked up.


Back at the mansion in a power move Frank - the village idiot - gathers the Green Team and has 20 Pack and Caliente plead their cases to them.

What surprises me is that the OG don't turn on each other. Their rage is focussed primarily at


Now it's time for eliminations.

Time to cash those cheques.

Buckwild gets hers first. No surprise to anyone but she claims it's a surprise to her. Frank says it's because he wants someone to spoon with. I say it's because he doesn't want to piss off Saaphyri.

Becky sashays over to him in her trashy leopard print. He deserves a little kiss.

Funs over. Entertainer has to choose between the commander-in-chief and the lieutenant.

Frank calls up 20 Pack and shows his skills once more.

He asks his team: Should I give 20 Pack the cheque? Or should I bounce him?

Yeah. Laugh. I did. I still am. But the OG give Heat the best I Love Money send-off in two seasons.

Though that doesn't stop him going off on the TMA Tamara-stylie. As he leaves the show Becky gives him one last shout.


And in his final words.

"I don't hold vindiction."

He was talking (English?) about Frank. Not Tailor Made.

Heat disappears off the Vh1 rolodex to sit his GED. And Frank?

But what he doesn't know is that Myammee and Cali are part of TMA. And what I don't know is what part is It?

Next week on I Love Money 2:

Ice Ice Baby.

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