I Love Money 106

The Stallionaires are on vacation in Huatulco, Mexico. The Gold Team girls want to be their friends and even a stint in the strong box is just a jolly day out.

What could go wrong?

This week's MVP

Behold the Hauserman.

Girls Love Money Too

Megan surveys the gameshow’s landscape and decides to scramble before the challenge.

“I came up with this great plan to

stay in the game.”

She recruits Toastee and Pumkin into a four girl core alliance.

A secret four-girl alliance.

“It’s a hard call here because I don’t

like Megan.”

Neither does Pumkin.

“Megan is very manipulative and I do not

think I can trust her. But me and Toastee

are tight and if we need to use her we will.”

It’s that time to choose new team captains. Brandi C hasn’t been captain before so the Greens choose their most pathetic weakest player.

Over confident or game over?

The Gold girls choose Pumkin. 12p, Heather and The Entertainer think it’s a team decision.

Regardless

Game over. Green Team lose. Again.

“Yeah we lost. Hopefully it shouldn’t

matter. Right now our alliance is

untouchable. Brandi C. Megan:

one of them got to go.”

Scrambling is always better when you're one step ahead.

“Me and Brandi will probably be in the

box but one of the boys will have

to be in there too.”

“I think Megan is a conniving bitch. But

strategically it might be better to

eliminate one of the boys.”

(The next day) inside the vault. Brandi C knows the drill.

“We do this everyday. We go to a challenge.

We lose. We wake up the next morning.

We go to the vault. Three people go in

the box and it’s usually me.”

Who else?

“Being that I’m such a big target and I’ve

always been public enemy number

one I can’t be in that box.”

They're going nowhere slowly. So with 10 minutes left Chance decides to roll call.

Chance: “Who wants Brandi C in the box?”

Chance: “Who wants Megan?”

“Then me and Brandi pick you.”

Gulp.

Or not?

“See most of the Gold Team loves me.

We have fun. We drink. And they

really can’t stand Megan.”

Craig calls in Gold Team and lets them know who’s on the chopping block.

“Megan? Come on. I wanted Whiteboy

in the box. I don’t understand how this

kid keeps skipping the box especially

when there’s two brothers on the team.”

Hint:

“We trust Pumkin. Everything’s cool.”

He could be right.

“Pumkin thinks if she sends home Chance

that she’ll be the number one target for turning

on them and they’ll get her out of here next.

I think I’m going home tonight.”

The power outing’s at a spa. Bonanza for the girls.

“I don’t really know why Chance is in such

a bad mood but he’s not saving himself

by being rude to everybody.”

Chance? Save himself?

I Love New York Chance & Mom Argue

The pampering over it’s time to eat and beg.

“I’m not here to butter you up Pumkin man.

I thought we were already seeing eye to eye.”

Chance you forgot about the Megan factor.

Megan: “Shut the Chance up.”

She picks a fight with Chance at the dinner table. That’s not hard to do by the way. You could pick a fight with Chance in an isolation tank.

“I really want to talk to Pumkin alone because

Chance – I don’t want him to hear

my master plan.”

Chance can’t hear anything right now.

“I almost gave the code word. If I had a

phone I would have said, ‘Whiteboy drown

the pooch. We are on the way back. I want

a dead pooch floating on our arrival.

Drown that pooch’.”

Megan gets her mastermind time.

“I did kind of want to talk to her a little more

one-on-one because I’m kinda starting to

warm up to the idea of being in an

alliance with them.”

Megan goes to work. She buries Chance – “the way he treats us - like garbage – is the way he’ll treat you” and strokes Pumkin – “if that means you want us to throw the next challenge then we will”.

“Megan actually makes a good point. But it

could become a problem later on because

she’s definitely such a back stabber.”

Back at the mansion Chance frets to Whiteboy. Hoopz pledges her allegiance to the Stallionaires.

As does Toastee.

The eliminations

“You know at first it was really scary. Now

I kinda got it down. I’m hoping that since

I’ve been saved three times – twice,

wait. Is this my fourth time?”

Craig wants to know Pumkin – who gets the first cheque?

“Pumkin gives the first cheque to Brandi C.

Cool. But why the hell am I still here? I feel

like I’m supposed to be the first cheque given.”

“See on the power outing me and Pumkin

made a deal. I am scared Pumkin’s not

going to stick with it ‘cos she’s so

scared of everybody else.”

“Part of me thinks Megan should go home

tonight because I can’t stand her.”

“Saggy boobs suck.”

“But part of me thinks that Chance should

go home tonight because he is part of

the strongest alliance in the house.”

Craig wants to know.

Pumkin: “Megan can you come here please.”

You what?

“I eliminated Chance. Me. All on my own.

I eliminated a Stallionaire.”

“For a split second I felt so powerful. But

then I became terrified.”

“Pumkin’s definitely a target now. There’s

no doubt about that.”

“BEEYATCH!”

Next Sunday on I Love Money:

Read more Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 105

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I Love Money 105

$¼million was a lot of money in 2008. Such a cash injection can change anyone’s life. It’s worth playing for. It’s worth winning. That’s the goal. What’s the plan?

This week’s MVP

because although power corrupts but it also entices.

The Toastmaster

Last week saw the implementation of the 12p plan: infiltrate the opposing team and have the collaborators throw the challenge. Unfortunately for 12p it exploded in his he-man face. His Gold Team wanted Destiney gone yet he had her stay over Boston.

Guess what? Gold Team still want her gone.

“12p didn’t listen. He’s a traitor. I really want to

talk to the Stallionaires because they’re strong

people. Good to have them on my side.”

Thus the Gold Team girls make their own power move.

This is what remains of 12p’s alliance.

“You really know you like a girl when you

have to fart and you hold it in.”

Oh dear.

“I’m a little uneasy this morning because I

feel like most of my team is against me.

And I’ve kind of felt this way since day 1.”

No. It’s been this way since you had a go at Chance.

Everyone knows why.

With Destiney as bullseye does it matter who’s going to be Green captain? No. So they choose Real.

Over at Gold Toastee is a little more subtle.

“If we win I get to send someone from the

Green Team packing. But if we lose I get

to put the three traitors in the bottom.”

They don’t even know.

The challenge involves crying. Shedding tears. It’s the Crying Game. The of Love shows are notorious for their emotionally imbalanced contestants. In this challenge the first team to weep tears from all six members wins. Gold Team has an extra body.

“I’m glad to see Hoopz sit out. It’s like, can

she even produce a tear?”

Yes

but you’d need to fly in Brigitte Neilson for effect.

Green Team lose. Again.

What’s the opposite of scrambling? Whining. On the bus ride home Destiney wants to know who’s going to vote her in the box.

The Stallionaires.

A baby spits out its dummy. This is what a Destiney does:

“I just feel like so many people in this house

hate me and they want me out of this

house and it just – it hurts my feelings.

I’m human you know.”

No you’re not.

“My only hope of staying is reminding

Toastee I had her back and she

promised me that she’d have mine.”

Tonight is a non-elimination night. What do you do if you’re the most powerful chick in Huatulco, Mexico?

What do you do if you’re not?

The Entertainer has a plan.

I know.

He’s going to fake a fight between him and Destiney. She’s going to be upset and run to the girls for comfort. That way she’ll have something in common with them. They’ll welcome her into the ‘I ♥ The Entertainer’ club and think she’s no longer with him.

I Know.

Destiney thinks it’s a good plan.

I know.

If you’re not the most powerful chick in Huatulco, Mexico what do you do on a non-elimination night?

Oh and about that plan…

The next day is vault day. From hereon in Craig will stay inside the strong room with them to make sure there are no more Mr Bostons.

Poor Craig.

“I decided to put myself in the box because

I couldn’t cry yesterday and I think I’m safe.”

“So I didn’t shed a tear I will put

my own self in that bitch.”

“I don’t know why Real is acting so confident

right now. There’s still a chance he’s going

home and if Toastee does the smart thing

and sends the strongest person home

he’ll be gone.”

“I fell like a pimp. Being paymasters

pretty sweet in fact I think I’m the

Toastmaster now.”

Time for a power outing. Snorkelling is the fun of the day.

“I’ve never snorkelled before. This is the coolest

thing I’ve ever done. It’s so beautiful. There’s

yellow fish. There’s black and white fish.

I hope there’s no sharks in this water.”

“I’m starting to wish I never put

myself in that damn box.”

After his near death experience a sea-horse has to eat.

Toastee: “Do you (Destiney) have an

alliance with people in this house?”

Destiney: “’Course I do.”

Destiney plays her trump card. Her only card.

She reminds Toastee of her quid pro quo promise to save her.

Wrong play.

Has anyone ever demanded something of you – and justified that demand by a guilt trip reminder of what she’s done for you? Calling in a favour doesn’t have to be antagonistic.

To bolster her point she throws Real under the bus.

“Destiney. Your ass is out. Heat gone.

Boston gone. Now Destiney gone.

Stallionaires. We about to win

this whole thing.”

Back at the mansion The Entertainer wants to talk.

The Entertainer: “If you make that move

and Real is gone that would be a big,

big, big blow to their team.”

Big.

“I’ll be making the biggest move in
the history if I send Real

home tonight.”

Oh. The power.

Toastee calls a Gold Team meeting. She’s the paymaster. She can do that.

Toastee: “The other night I wanted Destiney to

go home ‘cos I thought she was the strongest

out of the three. I think it’s obvious who’s the

strongest out of the three is.”

“What the hell is she thinking?”

“What the censored is she thinking?”

Uh-oh. Mutiny.

When the paymaster doesn’t do what the team want her to do… Didn’t Toastee learn anything from 12p’s mistake? Or is that what power does to you?

Real: “Man if I go home I’m a cry man.”

Cry baby.

Eliminations.

Craig asks The Entertainer – if Destiney goes tonight will you go with her?

“I NEED THIS MONEY!”

First cheque goes to the strong box filler.

Who stays? Who goes?

“I just found out that Destiney and Toastee

had this little alliance from day one. So now

man I don’t know what to think.”

“The smarter move for Toastee in my opinion

is to send Real home ‘cos he’s the stronger

person. If she sends me home then it’s

obvious it’s a personal vendetta

against me and The Entertainer.”

No. Just you.

Toastee: “Real I don’t like seeing you up

there sweating okay kid?”

I knew Toastee wouldn’t let power corrupt her. Porn? Well that’s a different question.

Talking about the corrupt:

“I don’t play dirty. I just don’t. So I think

that’s why I’m leaving so soon.”

Delusional. Soon to be a single parent.

“I feel really safe right now that I’m in an

alliance with some of the strongest

players in this game.”

That’s how you pay the master.

Next Sunday on I Love Money:

Read more Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 106

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