Sunday, 11 October 2009

I Love Money 104

What if you woke up one morning and found yourself surrounded by 6.5 billion idiots?

In Big Brother (US) season 5 Nakomis engineered the six-finger plan. It changed the way the game is played.

In Huatulco, Mexico 12p formulated his own plan.

Who needs 6.5 billion idiots when there's more than enough in
I Love Money?

This weeks MVP

for a lasting legacy.

The 12 Pack Plan

12p decides to take the bull by the bullocks. The Entertainer screwed up last week by getting rid off love rival Heat. Love rival Heat was one of 12p’s (and Gold Team) allies.

Here is the 12p plan.

12 Pack comes to me in the morning to

throw the challenge. And I’m thinking

this is a good idea because I don’t

like Whiteboy anyway.”

I agree with Boston. We need to break

up the Stallionaires. They think they’re

running our team. I want to make as

many alliances as possible.

We’ll see what happens.”

Recruiting Destiney was like selling porn to the perverts. She can’t wait to backstab Chance. Once again the Stallionaires are in the crosshairs.

Time to vote in new team captains. Of course the Gold Team votes according to the 12p plan. For some reason this induces barking-like noises from the Entertainer.

The Entertainer is completely retarded.”

While over on the Green Team

Yeah we’ll let Chance be captain. That

way when we throw the challenge

it’ll look like it was his fault.

Green Team loses. Again.

So we threw the challenge. The Green Team

lost and now 12 Pack has to hold up his

side of the deal and get rid of Whiteboy.”

After losing a challenge weaker people would cry.

I was not expecting to have Chance and

Whiteboy in my bedroom. I got nervous.

I’m thinking maybe word got out about

our plan to throw the challenge. I’m

thinking that I may be in some trouble.”

Megan: “Boston. He never stands up for himself.

I thought that he was just stupid but

he’s like stupid and pathetic.”

Even the pathetic need to cleanse after abuse.

Is Boston a genuine perv? Or does he have no respect for a porno chick?

This is so typical of Boston. He’s just a

dirty weasel. I am so pissed off and

grossed out that I’m about to kill.”

Whilst on I Love New York Whiteboy didn’t embarrass himself once. Here’s why:

Whiteboy: “Basically I got to talk to Megan and

try to find out first of all if in fact she did

sabotage the team today.”

but he doesn’t accuse her of anything.

He does tell her she needs his strength over Boston and Brandi C’s weakness.

Greed is a greater motivator than fear.

When it comes to strategy and gameplay

Whiteboy is definitely stronger

than Boston.”

The next day

Megan: “Boston, Brandi C and Destiney

are going in the box.”

I think Megan just joined the Stallionaires.

Now it’s her job to handle the conspirators.

Brandi C is a porno chick. Ie in this life she’s looking for someone to tell her she’s pretty - someone to latch onto: someone to tell her what to do.

Mr Boston is not a porno chick.

The vault.

Real: “Who thinks Chance should go in the box?

Shut up bitch.

Real: “Who thinks Destiney should go in the box?

Real: ”Who thinks Whiteboy should go in the box?

I can’t believe I formed an alliance with

Boston. This guy has no backbone.”

Boston in the box?

At this point everything around me is

falling apart.”

Mr Boston has been out manoeuvred. He’s outnumbered. He’s outgunned.

I’m refusing to put my cheque in the box.

I know if I hold out long enough 12 Pack

will add Whiteboy to the box. I mean

I just don’t know if I can do it.”

You can’t.

If you can’t stand up to men

So Boston completely flips out trying to

scare us and scream at us.

It was terrible.”

Craig comes in with the Gold Team. As funny as Mr Boston is he was really aggressive with Megan and Brandi C in there. He’s that much of a tough guy he doesn’t stay in the vault to accept his nomination.

I am so pissed. I wanted Whiteboy in the box

he’s not in the box. I’ve got three of my

alliances [sic] in the box. Someone betrayed

me and I’m going to find out who.”

Mr Boston is waiting outside.

Poor baby. He’ll scream at Brandi C but he’ll cry at getting outplayed.

12 Pack shows a maturity that doesn’t belong on reality television. He soothes Boston and persuades him to go along to the power outing.

12p attempts to debrief his conspirators

My. Mr Boston is more of a bitch than Megan gave him contempt for. However Brandi C still has some explaining to do.

Now 12 Pack’s pissed at me thinking that

I backed out on our original plan –

I’m going home.”

12p gives Mr Boston the 15 minutes one-on-one to explain the vault. After which

I still think 12 Pack trusts me more than

the two girls but I don’t know if it’s

enough for him to keep me around.”

Back at the mansion 12p calls a team meeting because unlike the Entertainer he’s a democratically inclined leader.

Who should get the bounce tonight?

Oh and by the way – Destiney’s staying.

It definitely caught me off guard when

12 Pack says he gave Destiney his word.

I really wasn’t completely aware of that

alliance so definitely my guard is up now.”

On Charm school Toastee was a mouse. Who taught her to speak up for herself?

FYI your team wants Destiney out.”

Uh-oh. Mutiny.

Whoever goes home at this time it’s

going to hurt me. No matter what.”

The eliminations

Craig gets the ceremony rolling but who loves money more than a prostitute porno chick? Brandi C is playing for $250k.

She grasses everyone up. Even Megan.

I pretty much orchestrated everything

that went down in the vault. But

Whiteboy is not supposed to know

I was a part of throwing that challenge

today. Brandi needs to shut up.”

So basically every last one of these people

who tried to bamboozle me got they ass

stuck in the box. Karma is a bitch.”

And Whiteboy is a counter strategist.

What follows next is a slag fest between Brandi C and Mr Boston

but this blog is G rated.

12p had a brilliant idea; recruit members of the Green Team to sabotage the Green Team from within. Destiney is the only Green left he can trust. She gets the first cheque.

So it’s down to me and Brandi. I just hope

12 Pack knows he should keep the

smart guy around rather than the

skanky porn star.”

I think I’m going home.”

It’s 12p’s choice.

Brandi C is an idiot. So if she’s going to

stay it’s simply for the fact she’s

just useless.”

Take away privileges and prejudices: in a kill-to-eat world Mr Boston, despite his wit and intellect, is prey.

He starts crying again.

Next week on I Love Money:

Read more Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 105

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