Tuesday, 29 September 2009

I Love Money 102

The backstory: early in Flavor of Love 2 Toastee and bisexual Nibblez bosom buddied up. They spent the night with Flav in 204 then out of nowhere Toastee accuses Nibblez (behind her back) of hand shanking Flav.

Bootz and Buckwild weren’t fooled. None of the other girls believed it either. When word got back to Nibblez she grassed Toastee up to Flav about her porno past.

Flav got rid of Toastee that night.

18 months later the girls meet again on I Love Money.

Women bear children. They also bear grudges.

And the Oscar® goes to…

This week’s MVP.

It’s a new day there’s a new challenge and the teams have to pick new captains. Chance volunteers to captain the Green Team. Of course Whiteboy can’t wait to endorse him so immediately Destiney has something to bitch about.

I think that Chance is not ready to

do what it takes to win.”

She bitches about Chance not removing his bandana for the challenge last week. Methinks there is another issue at bay.

The Gold Team on the other hand unanimously select Rodeo. She rallies the troops; let’s talk strength and what we can all contribute.

Rodeo, Hoopz, 12p, the Entertainer, Nibblez – all athletes.


You know I’m worried because Pumkin and

Toastee are weak and I don’t like it.

I don’t like that at all.”

Destiney has been spying on the Gold Team. She’s at once inspired and appalled. Her team aren’t strategising. They’re not bonding. They’re the Stallionaires.

She pulls Heat to one side. He’s inarticulate but in agreement. With his support Destiny goes to Green Team and initiates a take over.

Whiteboy: “I think Heather should be our captain.”

I’m Destiny.”

Whiteboy: “I think Destiny should be our captain.”

You know what? It worked.

The Greens win the first team challenge.

[Is there anyone reading this who hasn’t seen I Love Money? Well after each challenge the losing team has to send three players into the box.]

Back at the mansion the Gold Team scramble.

It’s an ugly sight.

The next day. Inside the vault.

The Gold Team have 15 minutes to decide who’s going in the box.

With Rodeo as captain it took about 15 seconds.

I want Pumkin to go home.

‘Cos I hate her.”

Now it’s time for the three losers to go on a power outing with the winning team captain – the paymaster – to plead their money hungry cases. They’ve got an hour to get ready and this is where Pumkin shows she’s not just a pretty face.

She and Toastee have been friends since Charm School so the strategizing is natural if not obvious to Nibblez.

The power outing is a day out of local hospitality.

We walk into the restaurant where all these Mexicans

are dancing on the stage and bouncing around

going like ‘arghreeeee’. I have Mexican family

members but they’re just not like that Mexican.”

Ugly American or plain white trash?

Not so Toastee.

In terms of strategy if I portray myself as

a weaker person Destiney will get rid of a

stronger person which is Nibblez.”

I started to think hmm. Wouldn’t it be convenient

if I got hurt right now.”

I did a great job I should really be an actress.”

Toastee: “Destiney takes the bait. Don’t

underestimate your girl Toastee.”

Nibblez really doesn’t know what show she’s on. Having said that she never stood a chance anyway. All Destiney wanted was a reason.

When the four girls get back to the mansion Toastee finds out not everyone is as stupid as Destiney.

Chance: “I think this was a set up. ‘Cos I seen

you walk jump hurdle with heels on. And

you walked and twisted it like that? Damn.”

Even Toastee has to laugh.

Now the moron called Destiney is having doubts.

It’s not too late. It’s the eliminations.

1st cheque goes to

My plan worked.”

Even at our first viewing we all knew who was leaving.

Nibblez goes back to Brooklyn. She was seen once at the season reunion but other than that you’ll have to book into a New York dungeon to see her.

With your credit card. Slave.

Next week on I Love Money:

More revelations from the rock n roll racist bitch.

Read more Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 103

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